This is definitely a painful journey. There are probably a lot of people with you on it who you do not even realize are behind you. Like me. Strangers knit together in Christ. 🙏
I think of you often. Thanks for sharing Annie with us. I just completed my third unit of CPE. I think we are both in Ohio. When you can, let’s get together if that is something you like to do.
Jamie, my heart breaks for you, as I know your pain. My son took his life 3 years ago. I cried off and on this year during Mother’s Day weekend, yet I am getting stronger. I heard people say that the second year is worse, and honestly, nothing could be worse than the year he died. May Jesus hold you in his arms. ❤️
Jamie, we connected through this painful story and I’m grateful for knowing you and Annie because of it. I relate to all the questions and what ifs and absolutely agree with you that God is big enough to handle the doubts and fears. Healthy relationships require that safety and I’m encouraged you have that with Him. I do too. On my own healing journey over here as an enneagram 4 and have definitely seen the importance of telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and the benefit of dropping all bs…it’s what our nervous systems crave. Truth lives within us. Sending a hug and so much love. Would still love to connect whenever you have the time or interest. ❤️
It is so validating to hear someone speak this candidly of facing mental illness battles with a loved one. I hate knowing you all have experienced such pain and grief and that Annie was so confused/tortured/ashamed of the way her mind affected her. It’s so powerful to say the truth and bring out what you’re able to into the light. You’re encouraging to others Jamie and your testimony is full of integrity and honor despite deep, unending-for-now sorrow. I long for Mother’s Day where our tears will be gone and we only have joy because of the gift of motherhood. Praying you can face more days without that frustration and regret, though I certainly see it as normal and part of the process. Had to share this too as you have spoken before on the enneagram. I see how being a 4 has its real challenges and gifts and affects your process of grieving. How cool to see even in that and your training all working to make you more yourself!!
As an enneagram 2, my mission in life is to make sure allll the people know they’re loved and cared for, so it’s an exhausting way to live and parent a child with mental illness as well who defies everything I know about how to connect and show love.
I keep coming back to how much he makes me depend on God and how I cannot lose myself in this pursuit for 27 years now, but can only do what is safe for others/me and “reasonable.” Some days that’s not what appears loving to him, but I have a husband and three other children to also care for, which I’m sure you relate to as well. It sounds like Annie could be an all-consuming effort and Isaac is the same. Balancing the understanding of when to give everything I have with what is healthy for myself and others is something I still don’t understand. I’m sorry you had to live through that and now are where you are. I pray you feel the space to continue being disappointed and angry and questioning and that God gives you the peace you need to reckon with this space you are in now. You’re a beautiful mother and I see how you are in the best parts of Annie.
You have shown great strength, love, and compassion through the loss of Annie. I’m so sorry you haven’t always received the same in return. I think of you often and pray for you….tomorrow especially that God would grant you a special glimpse into Annie’s perfect joy and a special reminder of His presence and love for you always. If you ever have the bandwidth, I’d love to schedule a call just to catch up.
I am so thankful you can be honest with God and with us too, knowing that He is indeed not mad at you. To me that honesty reflects your abiding trust in Him and the depth of your relationship with Him.
I continue to pray for you and will keep doing so. Thank you for sharing what you have here. I have no doubt you are such a sweet gift to those around you in your authenticity: meeting others, where they are. May what you are sowing be poured back into your own lap in abundance- and into the lap of all those dear to you.
This is definitely a painful journey. There are probably a lot of people with you on it who you do not even realize are behind you. Like me. Strangers knit together in Christ. 🙏
I think of you often. Thanks for sharing Annie with us. I just completed my third unit of CPE. I think we are both in Ohio. When you can, let’s get together if that is something you like to do.
Jamie, my heart breaks for you, as I know your pain. My son took his life 3 years ago. I cried off and on this year during Mother’s Day weekend, yet I am getting stronger. I heard people say that the second year is worse, and honestly, nothing could be worse than the year he died. May Jesus hold you in his arms. ❤️
Jamie, we connected through this painful story and I’m grateful for knowing you and Annie because of it. I relate to all the questions and what ifs and absolutely agree with you that God is big enough to handle the doubts and fears. Healthy relationships require that safety and I’m encouraged you have that with Him. I do too. On my own healing journey over here as an enneagram 4 and have definitely seen the importance of telling the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and the benefit of dropping all bs…it’s what our nervous systems crave. Truth lives within us. Sending a hug and so much love. Would still love to connect whenever you have the time or interest. ❤️
It is so validating to hear someone speak this candidly of facing mental illness battles with a loved one. I hate knowing you all have experienced such pain and grief and that Annie was so confused/tortured/ashamed of the way her mind affected her. It’s so powerful to say the truth and bring out what you’re able to into the light. You’re encouraging to others Jamie and your testimony is full of integrity and honor despite deep, unending-for-now sorrow. I long for Mother’s Day where our tears will be gone and we only have joy because of the gift of motherhood. Praying you can face more days without that frustration and regret, though I certainly see it as normal and part of the process. Had to share this too as you have spoken before on the enneagram. I see how being a 4 has its real challenges and gifts and affects your process of grieving. How cool to see even in that and your training all working to make you more yourself!!
As an enneagram 2, my mission in life is to make sure allll the people know they’re loved and cared for, so it’s an exhausting way to live and parent a child with mental illness as well who defies everything I know about how to connect and show love.
I keep coming back to how much he makes me depend on God and how I cannot lose myself in this pursuit for 27 years now, but can only do what is safe for others/me and “reasonable.” Some days that’s not what appears loving to him, but I have a husband and three other children to also care for, which I’m sure you relate to as well. It sounds like Annie could be an all-consuming effort and Isaac is the same. Balancing the understanding of when to give everything I have with what is healthy for myself and others is something I still don’t understand. I’m sorry you had to live through that and now are where you are. I pray you feel the space to continue being disappointed and angry and questioning and that God gives you the peace you need to reckon with this space you are in now. You’re a beautiful mother and I see how you are in the best parts of Annie.
You have shown great strength, love, and compassion through the loss of Annie. I’m so sorry you haven’t always received the same in return. I think of you often and pray for you….tomorrow especially that God would grant you a special glimpse into Annie’s perfect joy and a special reminder of His presence and love for you always. If you ever have the bandwidth, I’d love to schedule a call just to catch up.
I’m so glad that you know that God is not mad at you for being disappointed with him! And, I am proud of you, too!
I am so thankful you can be honest with God and with us too, knowing that He is indeed not mad at you. To me that honesty reflects your abiding trust in Him and the depth of your relationship with Him.
I continue to pray for you and will keep doing so. Thank you for sharing what you have here. I have no doubt you are such a sweet gift to those around you in your authenticity: meeting others, where they are. May what you are sowing be poured back into your own lap in abundance- and into the lap of all those dear to you.